Monday, April 30, 2007

20 Questions - Bangin' In Little Rock Style

Ahh, Da Realist. What can I say about this dude? We agree on three things: the sky is blue, water is wet, and Shaq is fat. That's pretty much it. We usually spend all day at odds over any number of topics. He hates Kobe. He's an FSU fan. He didn't like the last season of The Wire. As you can see, he has very few redeemable qualities. But, he is my boy. He's passionate about his sports teams. And he can argue a pretty good game. I guess he's all right, after all. I asked him 20 asinine questions. Here are his more intelligent answers.

1. Jessica Alba or Jessica Biel?

Da Realist: Not even a question – Jessica Alba

2. Would you let Ben Wallace kick you in the groin as hard as he could if it meant never having to pay taxes of any kind for the rest of your life?

Da Realist: No

3. If you could smack one college professor in the face, who would it be? Why?

Da Realist: Can't think of anyone

4. Is Stringer Bell your personal Lord and Savior?

Da Realist: No

5. Miami and FSU are undefeated and playing in the ACC title game for the right to play in the BCS title game. The game starts at 3:30. At 3:10, the tv in the living room blows out. All other tv’s are being used by the women of the house and they’re not budging for nothing. You live 5 miles from Wal-Mart, 20 minutes from the nearest sports bar, and you’re neighbors are assholes. What do you do?

Da Realist: Every TV in the house will be turned to the game just in case I need to go from one room to the other. In fact, our desktop AND our Tivo will be recording this game so that I can be sure burn Miami’s beat-down on disk and send it to you the next morning.

6. Why do we get ON a plane, but get IN a car?

Da Realist: Funny

7. Ben Gordon vs Chris Duhon in a fight. Who you got?

Da Realist: Ben. This ain’t even close.

8. Best Eddie Murphy movie of all time?

Da Realist: Beverly Hills Cop (but close runners up are Trading Places and Boomerang)

9. Let’s just say, for shits and giggles, that for the 2007-2008 season the following takes place:

Kyle Wright wins the Heisman as the 'Canes win the National Title
The Cowboys finish with the best record in the league and win the Super Bowl
Kobe wins the MVP and the Lakers win the Finals

Colud we remain friends?

Da Realist: No

10. Would you watch a spin-off that focused on Snoop and Omar?

Da Realist: If it made sense

11. Which would you cherish more? A handshake from Jordan or a kiss (on the cheek) from Halle Berry?

Da Realist: Kiss from Halle

12. If Bobby Bowden had an Imus moment, would you forgive him?

Da Realist: Yes, but I forgive Imus as well

13. If you owned a catering company, would you sell your services to a porn production company? Would the type of porn make a difference?

Da Realist: Yes. No.

14. One sporting event you would (theoretically) give up your kid to attend?

Da Realist: Wimbledon

15. When is the last time you think Billy Packer got some?

Da Realist: Within the last month

16. Would you have let Gus Johnson do the play by play on Amber’s birth?

Da Realist: No

17. On the whole, who do black people love more? Pacino or Bobby Brown?

Da Realist: Pacino

18. Who knocked back more chicks? Magic or Jordan? BE HONEST!!

Da Realist: Jordan...only because Magic slowed down after 1992

19. Would you rather be able to fly a plane or do card tricks? Why?

Da Realist: Fly a plane. I don't play cards

20. If Ron Artest had James Evans as a father, would he have turned out the same way?

Da Realist: No way

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