Tuesday, April 24, 2007

20 Questions - The Ladylike Edition

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We have a visitor to class today boys and girls. You know her as The Head Chick, or better yet the HCIC of Leave The Man Alone. Now even though the Head Chick is a cool customer, she does have a few issues. For one, she's a lawyer. Boo! Also, she thinks Dwayne Wade walks on water. Boo Squared! Of course, I wouldn't normally deign to associate with someone with such a pedigree, but she's a Hoya to the end and she likes T.O. So as you can see, it all kind of evens out. Plus, she's pretty damn funny. Anyhoo, I got a chance to ask her 20 asinine questions. Here are her more intelligent answers.

1. Dwyane Wade or TO?

HCIC: TO. Dwyane is the truth, but he seeems like he might be boring in person. TO probably is too, but he has a nice smile and a sweet southern accent.

2. Would you give sartorial advice to Whitlock for six months if it meant never having to pay taxes of any kind for the rest of your life?

HCIC: Yes, all urchins deserve an attempt at outreach.

3. If you could smack one college professor in the face, who would it be? Why?

HCIC: I went to a Jesuit institution. You can't smack priests.

4. When I was in school, a cow got loose on 75/85 during rush hour. If you hit the cow with your car, think you’d be able to keep the meat?

HCIC: Maybe. People would probably look at you funny when you loaded the meat in the back of the pick up. It might not be worth the trouble. Sure, you could take the cow. But do you have a butcher on speed dial? Who's cutting that sucker up?

5. The Falcons, by some miracle, are playing the Cowboys in the NFC Championship Game. The game starts at 3:30. At 3:10, the tv in the living room blows out. None of the other tv’s in the house are hooked up to satellite. You live 5 miles from Wal-Mart, 20 minutes from the nearest sports bar, and you’re neighbors are assholes. What do you do?

HCIC: Wow. This is a very stressful scenario, mainly b/c I would be thrust in the horrible position of choosing between my favorite player (TO) and my favorite team. I've already been through the trauma once. The Falcons won out, although I couldn't help but laugh everytime Terrell burned DeAngela Hall. But as for your question. I have to choose the sports bar. Do you know how long the lines are at Wal Mart? The drive might be 5 minutes, but it will take an hour to get out of there. Plus sports bars have draft beer. Tasty.

6. Why do we get ON a plane, but get IN a car?

HCIC: Who knows? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that planes were primarily open air transports.

7. Michael Irvin vs Tom Jackson in a fight. Who you got?

HCIC: Irvin. He probably carries a knife in that windsor knot.

8. At their comedic peak, who was funnier? Eddie Murphy or Chris Rock?

HCIC: Eddie Murphy. Chris Rock is cool, but he coasts on his funny voice. If he told those jokes in a regular voice, how much would you laugh?

9. If the Thrashers won the Stanley Cup, would anyone in ATL know?

HCIC: What are the Thrashers?

10. Would you rather watch a DeAngelo Hall reality show or one based on Joey Harrington?

HCIC: Harrington. How riveting would it be to watch DeAngela stare at himself in the mirror 16 hours a day? Joey's beauty is natural.

11. Which would you cherish more? Free gas for a year or a free in-house gourmet chef for a year?

HCIC: Free gas. I can throw down in the kitchen on my own, thank you very much.

12. Who would have the funniest apeshit rant on live tv:

Joe Buck
Tony Kornheiser
Woody Page
Stephen A
Mike Ditka

HCIC: Joe Buck. He would turn as red as his pouty lips! His would be the best b/c it would be the most unexpected. The rest of those guys...You already know they're one spark away from an explosion.

13. If you owned a catering company, would you sell your services to a porn production company? Would the type of porn make a difference?

HCIC: Without hesitation. No, the type of porn wouldn't matter as long as it was limited to humans. But no granny or fatty porn.

14. One sporting event you would (theoretically) give up your kid to attend?

HCIC: Right now, I'd like to see Barry break the record in AT&T Park.

15. When is the last time you think Billy Packer got some?

HCIC: I choose not to think of Billy Packer in that way.

16. Would you let Marv Albert do the play by play on your child’s birth?

HCIC: Yes, he would be enthusiastic, supportive and insightful.

17. Who has more street cred? Vitale or Lee Corso?

HCIC: Corso. You know bitches are always trying to get at Herbstreit. Lee is getting love in the streets.

18. Who knocked back more chicks? Magic or Jordan?

HCIC: Probably Jordan. Cause you know you have to subtract the dudes from Magic's total.

19. Would you rather be able to fly a plane or do card tricks? Why?

HCIC: Fly a plane. Card tricks are corny.

20. If Ron Artest had James Evans as a father, would he have turned out the same way?

HCIC: Well... Look at JJ. He's no prize.

1 comment:

Blue Viking Devil said...

While none of the other TV's are hooked up to sattelite, couldnt she just muscle up and move one to the room with sattelite. Saves the trip to Wal-Mart and possibly missing the kick-off by driving to the Sports Bar.