Heckuva Job Matty

I live in southeast Georgia, which is pretty much a Conservative’s wet dream. Everyday at work, I’m subjected to the aural assaults from the members of a dark fraternity. I work with some seriously hardline Bush cultists. According to them, George Bush has never done anything wrong, never will do anything wrong, and to question him is the equivalent of beating your own mother with a tire iron. Truly, I’ve never seen such devotion. It’s quite fascinating, as I don’t think half these guys are this faithful to their wives.

This unconditional love causes them to say some really strange things. The guy sitting next to me actually said that there’s no need for the US to find Bin Laden. Huh?!? 9/11 changed everything…but let’s not find the mastermind behind it? Riiiight. When they start their yapping, I usually put on my headphones and bump Rage Against The Machine. Sometimes it gets to the point that I want to scream. Why don't I speak up you ask?

Hey, I love arguing and divergent points of view. So theoretically, I really don’t have a problem with Conservatives/Republicans. I'm always up for a good argument with a sane rational person that happens to disagree with me. Bush cultists, however, cannot be labeled as sane rational people.

Now, I'm not ranting against believing in a conservative ideology. I may even agree with one or two ideals myself. And I can also understand sticking up for your boy. But you have to be honest with yourself, and those around you, when the train is off the tracks. A Bush cultist will sit on the front porch of a burning house and deny that the house is on fire. Seriously.

Let's look at it in sports terms. How would you rationally deal with a Lions fan who thinks Matt Millen is the best GM in the NFL? That’s the sports equivalent of a Bush cultist. And I’m not talking about a Lions fan that doesn’t outright hate Millen, is indifferent, or thinks he should be given another year to turn things around. I’m talking about a Lion fan that LOVES Matt Millen, LOVES every draft pick, LOVES every free agent signing, and LOVES where the team is headed under his stewardship. I'm talking about a fan that is ecstatic about Matt Millen running the Lions, and can't be persuaded otherwise. Also, let me just say that if such a fan exists, that is one crazy motherfucker. But that's what I deal with on a daily basis. A bunch of crazy motherfuckers.

Now to be fair, Bush is catching some flack from some of his conservative brethren as of late. Astounding the medical community, it appears that brain cells can in fact be regenerated. But that’s mostly pundits and politicians trying to save their hides. When it comes to the populace at large, that mindset has yet to trickle down. Well it hasn’t trickled down to southeast Georgia, in any case. For instance, one of my best friends has THREE pictures of G-Dub in his cubicle. Three pictures! Bush is his boy come Hell, high water, or a plague of mosquitos. It’s enough to make a grown man cry.

Listen, I understand wanting to support your political party. I can understand loyalty. Really, I get it. But when the ship is obviously sinking? Come on, it’s a wrap. Game over. So if I could say something to all the Bush cultists out there, it would be this: Don’t be THAT guy. Don’t be the Lions fan wearing the “I Heart Matt” t-shirt. Don’t be the Lions fan that calls into talk radio and defends Millen until he has an aneurism. Don’t be the Lions fan that tries to violently break up a “Millen Man March” because he thinks they're unfair. I implore you to NOT be that guy. That guy is off-his-rocker, batshit, plastic knife only crazy. That’s a special kind of crazy. You don’t wanna be that kind of crazy. Do you?